The Pork Chop Show

What could science possibly tell us that we can’t just figure out on our own? Atomic energy is something I dreamed about way before it happened. Room temperature fusion happened in my pantry years ago. The weeks that take months to pass actually never pass for some. The weather that we hope for never comes. In the summer it's too hot. In the winter it’s too cold. In my mind I’m still in control of my bodily functions. The histories of the universe are so out of sync that if we do find E.T.’s they’ll be either slugs or fossils. Progress is out of the question. We have now entered the final phase of a loop that with enough hope and conflict will perpetuate us into and intellectual ice age. The dinosores on our butts will run red with puss and scum. The people I love and hate include and exclude smokers. The version I offer the most includes high levels of second hand smoke, which will ultimately render me slightly less than living. And for this we must applaud them. “But Brendan, If all this is true what is it that keeps you going? And where did you get those cool accessories?” The end is near but not too close for comfort. Like the great shave of closeness, I appear to be someone in charge of my own continuum. This is the key to my existence and my solution to the problems of the universe as we know it. Be your own universe and the earth laughs with you. And if you think we've come along way baby, we have. You see there is progress because we no longer have to concern ourselves with mans inhumanity to man, just peoples inhumanity to people. And that is a very long time.

from The Pork Chop Show by Brendan deVallance, performed at Club Lower Links, Nights of Smoke & Noise, Chicago 7-19-91